First Thoughts

As if the world needs another blog.

People have been telling me for some time that I should write one.  About what, I ask?  The mundane details of my own life are far too boring and embarrassing to share (perhaps they would be entertaining to some of you).  I am blessed enough to get to do some exciting things on occasion, and I love sharing those.  But my main interests have always been music and The Church.  And music IN The Church.  Ah, The Church...on that subject I have MUCH to say.  But where on earth does one begin? 

Let’s begin with Brahms.  I cannot live without him.  And if you try and make me there will be violence.  Violence with lots of tertial chord relationships, harmony in sixths, and dark, haunting colors and melodies.  Yeah baby.  Last night I had a transcendent experience with the Cleveland Orchestra and one of my favorite pieces – Brahms’ First Piano Concerto.  Glorious.  It was Brahms’ first foray into the genre, and he had all the pressure of Schumann’s public pronouncements of his being Beethoven Reincarnate bearing down on him.  So, of course, being the young man trying to prove his musical worth, he threw everything he had into it.  Pianistic virtuosity of the grandest proportions.  Difficult passagework.  Thick, dark textures with melodies yearning to be heard in the middle.  More trills than you can shake a stick at.  And, of course, the random fugue in the middle of the last movement.  To say it is a bold piece is an understatement.  And the beauty of the middle movement is simply astonishing. 

I had the great pleasure of hearing Yefim Bronfman – an artist of gigantic proportions in the piano world.  He actually looked as I would imagine Brahms would as he played - a large, imposing figure just waiting to devour the instrument.  He thundered through the hall one moment and beckoned us into a world of pain and pleasure the next.  I will never forget that middle movement and how the piano and orchestra flowed in and out of each other with the gentleness and passion of first time lovers.  Good stuff. 

There is such a depth to that music, a depth that I can relate to at this particular time of my life.  Pain mixed with incredible sweetness and joy.  Storm and turbulence that eventually leads to a triumphant, heroic ending that makes you say, “Let’s do that again!”  I’ve just walked away from what has been thus far the most fulfilling job I have ever had in partnership with one of the most gifted priests I have ever encountered (yes, I said “partnership” and “priest” in the same sentence).  And I left for all the right reasons.  I know this, and yet it did not make it any easier.  Church work is not for the faint of heart.  The mountain tops are incredible – I've had the privilege of being a part of some truly transcendent liturgical experiences.  But the valleys will drain all the blood from your soul faster than leeches.  And when the leeches are done, the vultures will descend without hesitation to pick the dry meat from your bones.  Yum.  Beneath the beauty of all that glorious music, great preaching and God's Truth-revealed-through-liturgy lies a dirty, nasty place where the worst in humanity lays dormant, waiting for that one special occasion to be unleashed.  This is always a shock to people.  Many people assume that because it's "church", people are on their best behavior.  Go ahead and laugh, church musicians and clergy, because you know the truth.  Those who were called to the priesthood or ministry of some sort are still human beings, just like the parishioners.  It’s because we put them on such pedestals that their "fall from grace" is just so incredible.  

Here’s the truth: under all those chasubles, albs and cassocks we are just like the rest of you – beautiful and messed up, immovable and fragile, afraid of that one big thing you just know you can’t live through if it happens.  Until it does.  Then surprisingly, that cassock that provided so much protection and pride is nowhere to be found and we stand naked before the world, just like everybody else.  

That being said, I still think The Church has incredible potential and does, on occasion, manage to change the world for the better.  Is it hurtful and ugly at times?  Yes.  But anything that touches human hands has the potential to be that way.  None of us are perfect.  We all mess up.  And we all shine in unbelievable ways, ways that can even astonish ourselves.  That's the cool part.  That’s what gets me out of bed in the morning. 

So, those are my first thoughts.  Feel free to come back and read on occasion.  I have no idea what I’ll write about next or when I’ll write it.  Could be music one day, some random life experience the next.  Write a comment if you feel moved to do so – but I will insist on treating each other with respect.  If you can’t, then don’t write.  No personal wars on my blog.  But I do encourage passionate discourse.  Disagree and state your case.  Agree and preach to the choir.  Can’t wait to read it.  A short glance into someone else's life can sometimes be incredibly revealing - it's amazing what you can learn about yourself when you watch the people around you.  Frightening stuff, at times, but sharing our life experiences is what art/music/faith is all about.  I never play a piece of music in public unless I feel like it says something important that needs to be shared.

Which brings me back to Brahms – if you live in Cleveland, go get a ticket.  You won’t regret it.