Rolling on over ekklesia...

Play Me!

You know, I've been ruminating for months now about writing more about the Church, liturgy, faith, etc. I've had scads and scads of ideas and thoughts swimming through my head, just waiting for the right impetus, the right bit of inspiration to bring it all into focus. I thought I found it in this article about the changes in the Title IV canons of the Episcopal Church last week. Today I thought I found it in this article article about a man who recently found his home in the Episcopal Church.  I've started a number of compositions in a number of different formats, and I've finally asked myself:

Why the hell am I bothering?

I love to write, and I find most times it's the best way for me to organize my thoughts into any cohesive format so others can understand.  Occasionally I seem to find topics others are interested in, but I think most of the time there are only a few souls who relate.  I'm cool with that.  But let's face it - if you are not in "the majority" or a part of the prevailing mindset in the Church you will be disregarded, ignored, or even professionally and socially persecuted for your views if you make a little too much "noise".  Doesn't even matter what your views are.  And I'm not picking on the Episcopalians, per se.  In many ways, most of the denominations function like the same, egotistical monolith - they've just painted the doors of their church a different color.  

But my question to myself is this - why do I continue to advocate for an institution that has caused me and the ones I love so much harm in the name of order and discipline without any attempt or thought to reconciliation afterwards?  Why do I continue to yearn for a community who leaves lost sheep behind in times of distress?  Why in the world would I tell someone else to take a chance on an institution that time and time again proves that their self-centered priorities will ALWAYS trump the needs of those who aren't interested in playing the game because they truly believe that THIS IS NOT A GAME?  

I used to think part of my vocation was to be a voice for the potential of the Church, despite whatever current manifestation it has taken here on earth.  I still believe there is incredible potential of ekklesia.  My faith is strong and I'm certainly not afraid to fight for what I believe in.  But the more I see the Church allowing itself to be ripped apart over issues like open communion, gender equality, sexuality, biblical legalism, baptism of infants vs. adults, gay marriage, ordination of women, virgin birth, the deity of Christ...pick your favorite reason for schism....I wonder if human beings really have the stomach for it.  And I'm not belittling the issues, just questioning the seemingly unavoidable schism that follows.  Is it impossible for you to love me - or even like me - if I do not stand for everything you stand for?  And after all, what do those things really matter if I as a member of a parish or congregation can disappear from your pews for weeks and no one calls to see if I'm dead or alive?  Or do we just "let the church roll on" like the old spiritual says?

Living in agreement is easy.  Keeping community in disagreement and strife is what real life is all about.  That is the challenge we are called to face every day.  Is there anyone left willing to take the risks and make the sacrifices to make it work?  Or are we going to go get our praise on where we feel the most comfortable, continue to keep shouting the party line, and "roll on" over those in our way?