Remember those words? It used to be the norm at American marriage ceremonies for the bride to vow to love, honor, and obey her impending spouse. You still see it in an occasional movie or two. Perhaps you used it in your wedding because you wanted to use the exact same service your parents did. Or, perhaps you are part of the growing movement (so it seems) in the country to return to more a "traditional" understanding of marriage. Hey, whatever floats your boat. If you ask The Hubby if I "obey" him, I'm sure you'll be treated to boisterous gales of uncontrollable laughter. We ask each other to do things, and even every once in a while imply that if a certain thing gets done, someone will be loved all the more (ha!). But I don't do the "honey do" list thing, cause he's not my employee or my slave, and he doesn't expect me to do any more for him than he does for me. And we certainly don't order each other around. I don't own him and he's not the boss of me. So there.
But in real life, who do we really obey? We obey the laws of the country and state, as they are made to protect the citizens and keep order. (Insert snarky remark about legislation and legislators here). This seems reasonable. We obey the "laws" or regulations of our workplace because they ensure the smooth operation of the business or company. (Surely there's another snarky remark for that). Again, reasonable. But do you obey your boss? Probably, because it's understood as part of the hierarchy of the system. But does your contract or letter of agreement require you to obey? It probably says something like "is under the direction of", or "reports directly to". No company would DARE put the word obey in a legal document. The general thought is that those who are more qualified/educated/experienced are the leaders, and those who are aspiring to be so follow, learn and contribute to the whole. You know, for the betterment of everyone.
Let's move out of the public sector into the magical, mystical world of The Church. Few of the mainline denominations include the word "obey" in their wedding vows anymore, as we have "moved beyond" such antiquated ideas and language. (I KNOW someone has something to say about that). Many of these mainline denominations - especially the Lutherans, Episcopalians, and the United Church of Christ - seem to bend over backwards to "refine" their language to be more modern, more inclusive, more relevant. Everyone's included. Everyone's equal. Everyone's thoughts and opinions are of equal worth. It's an equal opportunity community.
Well, unless you are clergy. Did you know that many clergy must take a vow of obedience at their ordination? In many cases it's a vow to obey their bishop or elder or dean or whatever the direct supervisor is being called these days. I find this puzzling at best. Over the years it seems as if the church was moving away from a legalistic, hierarchical understanding of the faith. We follow Jesus' example and teachings. We follow the Ten Commandments. We promise to love and serve one another in love. We are in a relationship with Christ. Why then must clergy obey? This seems less like a promise to be in community with one another - a promise to trust and respect the dignity of every human being - and more like an antiquated form of control. If the catechism of said churches does not even require us to "obey" God and his commandments, why do the clergy have to obey a mere mortal who is capable (and does) make as many mistakes as everyone else? Is the relationship of bishop/dean/superintendent to their clergy supposed to model our relationship with our pastor? If I join a church, do I have to obey my pastor? If clergy are "called" to the ministry, held to a higher standard, and trained and encouraged to model the behavior of Christ, then why require them to obey?
But in real life, who do we really obey? We obey the laws of the country and state, as they are made to protect the citizens and keep order. (Insert snarky remark about legislation and legislators here). This seems reasonable. We obey the "laws" or regulations of our workplace because they ensure the smooth operation of the business or company. (Surely there's another snarky remark for that). Again, reasonable. But do you obey your boss? Probably, because it's understood as part of the hierarchy of the system. But does your contract or letter of agreement require you to obey? It probably says something like "is under the direction of", or "reports directly to". No company would DARE put the word obey in a legal document. The general thought is that those who are more qualified/educated/experienced are the leaders, and those who are aspiring to be so follow, learn and contribute to the whole. You know, for the betterment of everyone.
Let's move out of the public sector into the magical, mystical world of The Church. Few of the mainline denominations include the word "obey" in their wedding vows anymore, as we have "moved beyond" such antiquated ideas and language. (I KNOW someone has something to say about that). Many of these mainline denominations - especially the Lutherans, Episcopalians, and the United Church of Christ - seem to bend over backwards to "refine" their language to be more modern, more inclusive, more relevant. Everyone's included. Everyone's equal. Everyone's thoughts and opinions are of equal worth. It's an equal opportunity community.
Well, unless you are clergy. Did you know that many clergy must take a vow of obedience at their ordination? In many cases it's a vow to obey their bishop or elder or dean or whatever the direct supervisor is being called these days. I find this puzzling at best. Over the years it seems as if the church was moving away from a legalistic, hierarchical understanding of the faith. We follow Jesus' example and teachings. We follow the Ten Commandments. We promise to love and serve one another in love. We are in a relationship with Christ. Why then must clergy obey? This seems less like a promise to be in community with one another - a promise to trust and respect the dignity of every human being - and more like an antiquated form of control. If the catechism of said churches does not even require us to "obey" God and his commandments, why do the clergy have to obey a mere mortal who is capable (and does) make as many mistakes as everyone else? Is the relationship of bishop/dean/superintendent to their clergy supposed to model our relationship with our pastor? If I join a church, do I have to obey my pastor? If clergy are "called" to the ministry, held to a higher standard, and trained and encouraged to model the behavior of Christ, then why require them to obey?
And what if you don't obey? I'm not talking about breaking laws, but you know, differences of opinion. Suppose you are chatting it up with The Bish about some cool new idea you have for your parish. Let's say The Bish doesn't think the idea is all that cool, and says in no-so-many-words that he doesn't think you should do it. But hey - you know your flock and what they are capable of. He "suggests" you don't do it, but you do it anyway and it's fairly successful - not a home run, but a boon for the parish. What happens? I would imagine any good leader would consider it a win-win for the kingdom, even if they didn't like the idea, and would perhaps congratulate you on the success of the ministry and suggest ideas to help you improve it, or suggest you share the idea with other parishes. But we all know that's not the way it always happens. There are those in authority do not like to be challenged - especially in public - and The Church has its fair share of such individuals. Often the "transgressor" is punished or "disciplined" in some fashion for their "disobedience". How is this an example of living in a healthy community? Is blanket obedience in the end more important than finding creative ways to help the community grow?
I would love some clergy interaction on this. I have many clergy friends - many who don't take kindly to being told they have to "obey". Why do you take this vow? Do you really find it necessary to obey another human being to fulfill your ministry, or do you just do it because you have to? Don't get me wrong - I love rules (when they're fair and reasonable). They allow me to be creative and inventive, especially in finding ways to bend them when necessary. And as one of four kids and a PK, we were experts at figuring out the rules so we could find a way around them. You know, for fun. But I'm curious to hear some "official" take on the matter.
Anyone up for the discussion? Anyone? Bueller? Beuller?
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