Scores That Tell Stories

I've had the Grieg score above for 20 years, probably.  And it looks like it’s been through a war – the front cover is attached with scotch tape and the back cover has been missing for years.  It’s dirty, used and abused, and the funny thing is I haven’t played most of the pieces in it.  I’m sure most people would say, “Nicole, you should take better care of your scores!” 

But when I look at that book, I see stories – I see my life.  I see practicing my mother’s old spinet piano when I was first started taking lessons, reading from the manuscript paper my first teacher used to write musical examples for me.  I see the “Dozen a Day” exercise books with the dancing stick figures at the beginning of every exercise.  I see my sister and me trading spots at the piano, one sister dancing while the other sister played.  I see hurriedly throwing the books into a haphazard pile into my music bag – black with treble clefs on it (wouldn't be caught dead with that now).  I see train rides to Bryn Mawr to the piano lessons which I learned to hate in the end, sitting on the aging orange plasticky seats on the Septa train cars.  I see the beautiful, colonial mansion of the Conservatory where I took those lessons, with its antique furniture and wallpaper waiting for me as I walked through the back parking lots from the station.  I can smell the air in that house; I can hear the creak of the old wood floors. 

I can remember buying every piano score that I own, and I can remember every occasion for buying them.  A flood of images sweep through my mind as I think about rifling through file drawers for slim Heller scores, sliding the smooth, sleek Chopin volumes off the shelf.  They smelled so new, so promising.  In those pages was my future, my imagination brought to life.  Everything I could imagine could become real in those notes, and I remember when I brought every single one of those books into my life.

Except that Grieg.  Perhaps it was a “borrowed” score from my teacher that I never returned.  And she certainly wouldn't want it back when she saw its stained, dog-eared pages.  But that’s what makes it mine.  Including the squashed, dead spider between two of the pages, tracing my glorious relationship with those gross creatures back through the years (I was always too afraid to touch its dead body to scrape it off the page).  Perhaps it seems weird to tell your life story through a pile of books – a pile of work tools, really – but the thought brings a smile.  And as I think about what I want in the new year, what I will grasp as part of my life, I close my eyes and find myself in the aisles of that music store with a thick score in my hands, fanning the pages as the notes run across the page just waiting for me to catch them.  And just that quickly, my imagination encounters the future once more.

And that is a blessing.