My date with Joel

Let's "listen in" on a recent text conversation:

Johnie (my brother):  Whatchu upto?

Me: Not much.  Went to see Joel Osteen last nite with a friend for kicks.

Johnie: Who's that?  Was it any good?

Me:  Google him.  And no, it wasn't.

Johnie: That sucks but at least you got out.

(some time passes as he Googles)

Johnie:  Televangelist??? Thought it had something to do with music at first.

Me: We were curious to see the set up.  What type of people went, how the reacted, etc.  Pretty tame crowd, really, compared to some of the stuff we grew up with.

Johnie: What?  No hollering, jumping, and fainting?  Have they no Holy Ghost? (this is a joke, people)

Me:  Lmao.  I thought I'd break out into some tongues just to get them going.

Johnie:  That's more like it.

And through the magic of makeup, he looks just like he does on television - disgustingly white teeth, perfect hair, and all.  

But not as tall as you'd imagine.  

Yeah, I went to go see Joel. If you don't know who that is, go on his website here. I know, I know, I can hear you all saying, "Are you insane???"  and  "Don't you have better things to do on a Friday night???" and "Who are you, and what have you done with Nicole Keller???"  But I was really just curious.  And I find this kind of "research" fun, believe it or not.  I know I'm weird.  But I've had a myriad of different worship experiences in my life, as demonstrated by my text above.  I really have been to A LOT of services where there was hollering, jumping, fainting, and yes, speaking in tongues - but not by me, rest assured.  I have played and attended numerous Catholic masses here in the states; a funeral mass in Spanish of a friend's grandmother in Venezuela (an interesting story, really, being surprised by the open coffin in the living room at the wake); Catholic masses in Germany; both run of the mill and rather extraordinary Methodist, Lutheran and Episcopal services; tent revivals; some pretty exciting and pretty boring Baptist excursions; wild times with the Church of God in Christ (they are just crazy); a few interesting non-denominational gatherings.  But I've never been to a crusade-like gathering in an arena.  I would imagine that it's a peculiarly American "worship" experience - and I say "worship" because, well, even though many would have qualified it as worship I would not.  But that doesn't mean that it wasn't incredibly valid and powerful for some.  

So, this was more like a research experiment for us.  And no, I don't think it's offensive to visit different worship services for this purpose.  We never pretended to be or believe anything.  We just watched and listened, beginning with the walk from the parking lot to the arena.  And I immediately surmised that I was WAY overdressed.  I wore a typical sundress I would normally wear on a Sunday morning underneath my vestments - it was hot, after all.  Kind of a silky material to dress it up a little, but definitely not silk.  Most everyone else was wearing shorts, jeans, or other extremely casual attire, like matching t-shirts with the name of their church on it.  There were a few that were more dressed up, like me, or even more so.  But VERY few.  I guess I'm a little out of touch with the modern, hip, church-going crowd, but I gotta be me.

We arrived a little early with the intention of getting dinner at the arena.  Michael Symons has a burger joint there, so we decided to feast on some good eats instead of hot dogs.  As we're walking around, I notice that the crowd is fairly homogeneous in many respects - mostly white and probably 90% middle class and lower. Not many cleanly pressed, nice suits paired with expensive shoes and finer handbags, or trendy outfits or designer gear for that matter.  Mostly jeans, a few khakis, and shorts paired with a shirt with some sort of logo on it, or jeans and a semi-casual blouse. Normal clothes, normal people. You get the idea. And the dress code went downhill from there, and by that I mean seemingly inappropriate for a night of Christian revelry. Saw a few pairs of stilettos, some sparkly tops that would have blinded you at disco night, and a few tight-tight-tight sheath dresses. I know we are supposed to "come as we are", but should we really look like we're going clubbing when we're going to worship Jesus? Maybe Jesus likes a little leg, or maybe I'm just too old fashioned.  But these were in the minority, anyway.

I was surprised to see a fair number of people there over the age of, let's say, 55.  I say this because it would seem that Joel and his lovely wife, Victoria speak to a younger crowd, especially young families.  But everyone needs a little encouragement at times, a little positive reinforcement.  And that's what it seemed like that evening was all about.  It was a gigantic pep rally based on the power of positive thinking with a Christian influence.  And there's nothing wrong with this, people.  This night in particular was not marketed, at least from what I saw, as an official worship service.  That being said, I would say it was a worship experience for most people there, but you know what?  I don't think most people really make that distinction outside of the more liturgical traditions and the traditional churches in general.  We can't and shouldn't judge people and events based on the way we do things cause it's just not fair.  

So, we go to our seats as the evening begins.  A man with platinum hair comes out to the podium, welcomes the crowd, and proceeds to talk about various books and other paraphernalia.  It was a bit difficult to make out what he was saying because the talking in the arena only reduced to a polite din.  This clearly was not Joel, which is why they were here, and what this man was saying was not what was going to change their lives this evening.  However, all were polite and clapped and laughed in the appropriate places.  The band had already set up on the stage and were ready to get started (and yes, I dreaded this).  There were panels and screens on the back of the stage with different light and graphic affects.  There was an enormous screen at the back of the stage that broadcast a large picture of the speaker's upper body, and the enormous scoreboard cube hanging from the ceiling did the same on all four sides.  Some of you will probably freak out at this use of technology, but in all fairness, in a space like that you HAVE to do this, or else you will spend the entire night watching a tiny little ant of a man on a boring little stage.  And I don't care what kind of production it is - no one wants to see that.  

The show started with the band revving themselves up musically, and the singers bounded on to the stage.  Then they sang the Star-Spangled Banner, with some graphics of Old Glory in the background.  Huh?  I thought tonight was about God.  We all stood up, reluctantly so, it seemed for some, while the national anthem was sung with some semi-country harmonization by the three singers - who were very good, by the way.  And the band was tight, with a good brass section.  Joel and his wife finally came out, and we were treated to two and half hours of inspirational speeches interjected with biblical stories about believing in yourself (because God wants you to), never giving up hope (because God believes in you), and living a life were you "don't complain about what you don't have, but use the talent you do have" (because God has great things in store for you).  The speeches were alternated by music from the band, which at times included Joel's son and daughter on guitar and vocals, respectively.  Everything seemed genuine and natural, and I didn't detect even one ounce of "slick" that I would normally expect from a televangelist, and trust me, I've seen enough fakery in the pulpit to write a manual.  This was a seemingly nice family who clearly believed in what they were saying.

And you know what?  Nothing they said was wrong.  

Am I commending Joel Osteen to the masses - no way.  Am I suggesting that we all eschew our normal Sunday worship and get hooked to Lakewood Church with surround sound every week - not in your wildest dreams.  For me, the whole thing felt light and superficial.  But not wrong or misleading.    I just have greater needs and expectations.  I was surprised, however, that during the whole presentation, Jesus wasn't given any real attention until the "altar call" at the end, which is where we decided the night was over for us.  Joel, his wife, and his mother talked about God quite a bit.  And nothing they said offended my stodgy, old-fashioned, religious sensibilities.  EXCEPT when Joel said, "God doesn't want talented people.  He wants people with a little bit of talent so he can make them into extraordinary people."  Oh.  That's news to me.  I thought God wanted everyone.  

I know Joel (in this new era, we are all on a first name basis) was speaking to a particular group of people - people who are looking for a positive ray of light.  A reason to continue to hope.  Someone who will never cease telling them that they have worth.  And you know what?  That's what we are all looking for at some point in our lives.  My question is this - why aren't people finding that support within the communities of "mainstream" Christian churches?  I'll be the first one to say that in my work and studies I do not believe this to be the function of the ekklesia.  But it most certainly is the function of a loving, supportive, Christian community.  So where have we gone wrong?

The Christian Church needs to stop fighting within itself and wake up.  People need community, and they've given up on the mainstream denominations because they do nothing but crucify each other publicly for their own gain.  And after what I've experienced and witnessed in the last year, for one evening Joel Osteen was a blessed relief.