Living the Bohemian Life

Play me!

Over the past 9 months I've been living a very different life than I have for the past 13 years or so.  I'm not teaching or Working For Jesus at the moment (the nickname we in the business give to a church gig).  I'm just concertizing.  I have been incredibly fortunate over the past year to have whisked myself all around the country and all over the globe to play concerts and teach masterclasses.  I've been to some exotic places that I may never get to see again, met wonderful people and been exposed to some pretty fascinating cultures.  

It's been bitchin.  

But at the same time, it has been difficult to adjust to life without "The Job".  Ah, yes, "The Job".  It fills your days (and nights), keeps the brain going, pays the bills, and gives shape and rhythm to your life.  In many ways, it defines you - but not in a bad way.  It's hard to be a musician and not be "defined" by what you do.  Music, once you let it in, becomes part of your soul in a most permanent way.  It completes you in a way that is almost impossible to define, impossible to quantify.  And who would want to try?  Sometimes we just have to accept these "gifts" for what they are and not spend so much time analyzing them.  But changing my lifestyle has not been an easy journey, and I most likely will change it again in some way in the near future.  After all, that's what life is all about.  Change.  

I used to enjoy getting up every morning, getting "dressed up" as some would call it (just normal work clothes for me), and going in to the office.  Now, most of my days have very little structure for the most part. I have things to do, work to accomplish, music to learn, etc., but the timetable for the most part is completely my own.  It is both freeing and terrifying.  I think I was always one of those kids who could play with wild abandon as long as the playground was surrounded by a fence.  Give me a wide open field, and suddenly the world feels a lot more, I don't know, suspicious.   

It's amazing how we can find happiness in the midst of mess.  If you were to visit the first floor of my house right now, you'd wonder how anyone could possibly stay sane and spend so much time here.  Every stitch of furniture and "stuff" from the dining room has been moved into the living room so I could strip the wallpaper, repair plaster, and paint.  The dining room table is now sitting in front of the fireplace with all the "good" dishes and wine glasses sitting on top of it.  The beautiful, floor-to-ceiling hutch we bought off our neighbors down the street years ago now sits in two pieces in front of the dining room table in front of the fireplace.  Dining room chairs are all over the place.  Pictures, plants, candles, smaller furniture, and other "decorations" litter the room in any available spot that doesn't block the pathway from the hallway into the kitchen to the couch and then to the television.  Hey - we have priorities.  Until today, getting to the piano would have taken a few lessons from your favorite Cirque de Soleil gymnast.  It's a freaking disaster area.  And yet, today I had a rehearsal at the house with a young, very talented oboe player in high school who also plays with the Cleveland Youth Orchestra.  Half hour before the rehearsal I had been sanding plaster.  A quick change of clothes later and we were bubbling along with a Vivaldi Oboe Concerto in the midst of a mess, with an episode of Star Trek:The Next Generation paused on the television in the background.  

And you know what?  I loved it.  

The house feels cozy and lived in.  Life happens here - it's not a museum.  Creativity is born around here somewhere - perhaps in some clear spot underneath a piece of furniture somewhere.  What caused this sudden euphoria?  Maybe it's the wonderful chill in the autumn air - my favorite season.  Maybe it's the promise of a colorful world in a few weeks.  Who knows.  But let's not kid ourselves - this "mess" is going to get old in about, oh, another 3 minutes.  While I love to thrive around creative clutter, the thought of a sleek, roomy, living space where I can do cartwheels in the middle of the room is equally as enticing.  And the promise of the biting cold of winter, well, there had just better be enough brandy in the liquor cabinet to add to my hot chocolate when that white monstrosity starts falling from the sky.  

But for today, I'm enjoying the mess.  It is far more interesting that the artificial clean I usually try to impose upon it.  And who wants to live an uninteresting life?  

Live out loud, people!

"Maestro, put down your baton" - the trickle down effect of poor leadership

Play me!

I've been fortunate in my career as a musician to play with a variety of different orchestral ensembles - full symphony orchestras in performances of compositions like Stravinsky's fabulous Firebird, Resphigi's nauseating love affairs with Italy, Martin's quirky pieces for chamber orchestra, a variety of piano and organ concerti (my favorite!), Bach cantatas, masses and instrumental pieces....I am lucky, lucky, lucky. Playing "orchestral keyboard", as it's called, is one of my favorite things to do - my dream job, in fact. There is just no comparison to playing inside of that musical animal. It's chamber music on steroids.   It's passion on wheels.  But only when the players are the best and the conductor is stellar.

Well, there's the rub. 

I've sat under some fantastic batons for some incredible musical experiences, and this result is almost always a direct product of the ability of the person wielding the stick to work with the palette in front of them. A talented conductor can take a stage full of a variety of different skill levels and make incredible music with it. Someone who's not-so-talented...well...they just make life hell for everyone. I remember going to performances of what it arguably one of the world's best orchestras under one of their "secondary" conductors. The orchestra completely ignored him and instead depended on the masterful leadership of the concertmaster. I'd never seen so much head cue-ing in my life. Some might consider this disrespectful to the conductor, but I call it survival and believing that it's more about respecting the music and its demand for excellence than it is about blindly following an idiot. At that level, anything else is a waste of time. Play hard - and play well - or go home.  (As an aside, you should REALLY read Gary Graffman's memoirs, "I Really Should Be Practicing" - a wonderfully entertaining read with fantastic anecdotes about some of the most famous conductors and orchestras of all time.  Oh yeah, and some great stories about Graffman and his concert career.)

I've sat under a few of those "not-so-talented" batons, but not many (thank heavens). You can usually tell what you're going to get before the conductor even opens the score.  It's how they take to the stage.  How they approach the podium.  How they hold the stick (that communicates VOLUMES).  Some are humble, some are confident, some are arrogant - but these aren't necessarily the determining factors.  It's hard to explain.  Something just oozes out of their pores.  You can feel when you are in the presence of great musicianship and skill, sometimes despite the personality of the person.  You also know when they have absolutely no idea what they're doing. I imagine this is true in every profession.  But there's nothing more frustrating than watching the tip of that stick and wondering what the hell he's trying to say.  

What is your point, Nicole?  My point is that this is a universal phenomenon, not just a musical one.  Poor leadership ruins orchestras, companies, communities, churches, families...pick whatever institution you like, and the need for inspired, skilled, consistent leadership is paramount.  The trickle down effect of poor leadership is confusion, chaos, wasted time, demoralization, brokenness, and the eventual destruction of the "ensemble" and its mission.   Surviving poor leadership takes the most dedicated, most skilled, and most creative "ensemble" and an enormous amount of external support.  And after extended periods of time even these brave warriors could crumble.  Survival depends on a lot of things - you have to know who you're working with.  You have to know where you're going.  You HAVE to trust each other.  You have to believe in your "product".  You have to be willing to do what it takes - everything it takes - to fulfill your mission.  

But sometimes you have to channel your inner Kenny Rogers and "know when to run."  And run fast.  Drop your bow and go.  Leave the music on the stand and move on.  Because there are times when "surviving" a situation takes more than you have to give, or more than you really should give.  And let's face it - walking up to the conductor en masse and saying, "Maestro, put down your baton" is rarely an option unless you are the bravest of souls willing to gamble with commiting professional suicide for a cause worth sacrificing yourself for.    

Now THAT takes serious leadership.  

Hating the Rich

I knew it was coming. And the political season is ripe for it. So last week when the lectionary gave us James 2:1-17 (scroll down to read it) my prophecy was fulfilled. How we love to take scriptures out of context and use them for our own purposes! It's one of our favorite past times as Christians, it seems. Go ahead, everyone! Break out the popcorn, point to any scripture in the bible with your eyes closed, and tell everybody what it means without bothering to look at it in context or studying the culture of the time it was written or bothering to consult any theologian or biblical expert that knows more than you. Just do it. It's so easy. And then when you're done, don't forget to choose a nice ripe target to condemn with your new-found knowledge.

Ok, that was a little harsh, but you get my point. And I don't think it's that far from the truth in some cases. But my question is this:  if Christianity teaches us not to hate or judge others, why do we spend so much time hating and judging the rich?

It is not surprising that this passage from James is often abused, misinterpreted, and used to condemn. Condemning the rich is an epidemic in this country, which I daresay is some cases is born out of envy. James uses one of our favorite punching bags - the rich - to make a point about how we are supposed to treat each other. And as usual, pastors, politicians, and everyone else who felt their day had come took it to blame the rich for all the ills of society.

But you know what? Money isn't the problem. People are the problem. And people use money for their own selfish gain, just as they would use some other tool if it were at their disposal.

Rich people aren't evil. Well, some of them are. But so are some poor people, and I think in the end the evilness evens itself out. It's true that those "in power" have more "weapons" to use against others. But I know plenty of people without the weapon of money that have used their mouths and their ability to manipulate other people to hurt others without spending a dime. So, what's the greater sin?

That's an easy answer - there is no greater sin, but a missed opportunity. The opportunity to do something about an injustice rather than standing on a street corner outside some company headquarters telling everyone how evil your most hated CEO is. If someone has done something wrong and you have the proof, go report it and then go about your merry way. If we spent half the energy we use up complaining about the world doing something good for it, we'd all be in a much better place. Rich people have just as many problems as the rest of the world does - sometimes more, because of their wealth.  Their money is not going to help them when a loved one dies, or when they are in a state of spiritual weakness, or when their marriage is falling apart, or when their kid screams "I hate you!" right at their face.  Money may buy them more resources to deal with these things, but the pain is still the same.

We are all called to serve where we are. Including the rich. Imagine the good you could do with a million dollars in your bank account. I wish I was rich. I wish I could use my imagined great wealth to help my family pay their bills and fix their houses. I wish I could use my imagined great wealth to help my friends in times of need and unemployment. I wish I could write a big, fat check to help fund an industrious initiative to help the younger generation of today learn how to live with dignity and character.

If I had this wealth, would I want nice things for myself? Of course. Jesus never said it was wrong to have nice stuff. Or even a lot of nice stuff. He said it was wrong to value that stuff more than we valued God or each other. Jesus never told us that we all had to be destitute to be faithful. He taught us that we had to be willing to give away what we had to benefit others. And some of us have more to give than others - thanks be to God, because someone will benefit from that largess.

So quit bad mouthing those who have more than you. Because don't forget - if you live in this country, you ARE the rich person. Go be an example and do something good for someone else.


My brothers and sisters, do you with your acts of favoritism really believe in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ? For if a person with gold rings and in fine clothes comes into your assembly, and if a poor person in dirty clothes also comes in, and if you take notice of the one wearing the fine clothes and say, "Have a seat here, please," while to the one who is poor you say, "Stand there," or, "Sit at my feet," have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers and sisters. Has not God chosen the poor in the world to be rich in faith and to be heirs of the kingdom that he has promised to those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who oppress you? Is it not they who drag you into court? Is it not they who blaspheme the excellent name that was invoked over you?

You do well if you really fulfill the royal law according to the scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." But if you show partiality, you commit sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. [For the one who said, "You shall not commit adultery," also said, "You shall not murder." Now if you do not commit adultery but if you murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment will be without mercy to anyone who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but do not have works? Can faith save you? If a brother or sister is naked and lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill," and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that? So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead.        James 2:1-17